


I Don't Remember

by Night_Time_Daydreams



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Again, Amnesia, Being sick into the toilet???, Big Surprise I Know, Car Accidents, Coma, Doctors & Physicians, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, I promise, Idk I've got nothing else, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Just read i guess have fun, Look this tags list is really long, M/M, Memory Loss, Most of this stuff is only like one line, Multi, One of them was kinda in a coma, Panic, Temporary Amnesia, This turns out okay, also gay panic, but like honestly?, except for the coma, honestly its only like one line, like all my other stories, that's kind-of a big deal in this story, vague mention of a panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23360977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Night_Time_Daydreams/pseuds/Night_Time_Daydreams
Summary: Virgil didn't know what had landed him in the hospital. He couldn't remember. Why couldn't he remember???
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Comments: 15
Kudos: 138





	I Don't Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Yo  
> This is like the fourth thing I've posted here, and yall have seemed to like the other ones, so here's another really sweet and fluffy ficlet thing...  
> Hope yall enjoy!

Virgil blinked up at the ceiling above him. Everything was sore, and he couldn't remember why.

He had woken about forty minutes earlier, if he wasn't mistaken. The infernal beeping of the heart monitor had gone haywire, practically summoning nurses and doctors to his room. He had learned that he had been in a coma, but not much else. They had apparently tried to get a hold of his emergency contact (whoever that was, Virgil didn't know), but they hadn't answered. So now, Virgil was doing nothing but trying to remember why he was in the hospital in the first place.

He could feel the anxiety bubbling in his chest - why couldn't he remember?

He heard his door quietly creak open and Virgil shut his eyes. He didn't want to face anyone else without an idea of what had landed him there.

"Hey, Virge." A soft, kind voice. Virgil almost smiled at the thoughts of sunshine and rainbows that the voice brought to mind, but caught himself just in time.

"Good afternoon, my darling shadow." This voice stronger, deeper. This voice brought the same feelings of love as the first, but more passionate.

"Salutations, Virgil." Steady, calming. This voice brought to mind calm evenings and peaceful mornings, no expectations or plans, just peace.

There was the sound of moving furniture and crumpling plastic bags.

"It's Friday night, Virgil, so you know what that means!" The kind voice. "Date night! We brought all our favorite Chinese foods from that take-out place down the street from Roman's theater!"

Date night? Were these men his boyfriends? Secretly, in some deep part of himself, Virgil desperately hoped so.

There was the squeaking of Styrofoam and the sounds of chewing.

Suddenly, there was an odd splat as something - apparently one of the men's food containers - dropped to the ground.

"Whoopsies!" The kind voice again. Virgil was concerned, however, by the fact that it was breaking. The sweet-sounding man was crying.

Carefully, Virgil peeked at the men from under his eyelashes.

A blond-haired man was staring at the floor, presumably at whatever food it was that had fallen, with tears slowly making their way down his still-smiling face. A muscular man in a red and white letterman jacket was holding the blond's hand, running his thumb back and forth over his knuckles. On the other side of the bed was a thin, pale man who was staring intently at the other two, a sad smile present on his face.

The pale man spoke, "Patton…it's okay…I miss him too."

The blond - apparently called "Patton" - looked up at the pale man. His grin slowly faded. "I…I know, Logan. I…I know…."

There was silence for a moment.

"I miss him." The deeper voice, which belonged to the brown-haired man. "I miss his little smirk. I miss the way his eyes would betray exactly what he was feeling. I miss the way that he could make you feel heard."

"I miss the way he crumpled his nose when he laughed." Logan. "I miss the way he would practically demand physical contact and yet loudly proclaim that he hated everyone in the surrounding vicinity."

"I miss his eyes too, Roman." Roman, the one with the jacket. This was Patton talking, now. "And I miss his cuddles, Logan. And…and…" Patton's voice was getting entirely thick with tears, now. "I just miss him!" Virgil heard the unmistakable sounds of sobbing and his heart broke.

He fully opened his eyes.

Logan was the first to notice. He had been staring at Patton and Roman, a small, sad smile playing across his lips, when he happened to glance over at Virgil. It was almost comical the way that Logan's eyes widened and his jaw dropped.

There were a few moments where they just blinked at each other.

Then, Logan lunged towards Virgil. Virgil almost flinched back, but something within him knew what Logan was doing. Logan launched onto the bed and cupped Virgil's head, kissing him deeply.

"Uhh…Lo?" Virgil vaguely registered Roman talking. "I thought we had agreed not to…to do anything like that until our Stormy Knight was awake."

Logan pulled away from Virgil, tears shining in his eyes. "He's awake." Logan breathed. "He's awake."

Patton nearly shrieked, dragging Roman to the side of Virgil's bed that Logan wasn't currently occupying. "Virgil!"

The man in question was trying desperately not to shrink back into his pillows, but from the frown suddenly occupying the faces of the others, he wasn't doing a very good job of it.

"V-Virgil? Honey, are you okay?"

Virgil continued to stare at Patton, taking in his big blue eyes and the freckles dotted across his nose like stars.

"Virge…starlight, you need to breath for me." That was Logan. That's right, breathing was necessary, wasn't it.

Virgil sucked in a deep breath. Some of the ache in his chest went away.

"That's it Virgil. Now breath with me for a moment." Logan ran through a familiar breathing exercise. Why was it so familiar? Why couldn't Virgil remember???

After a minute of doing the 4-7-8 breathing technique, Virgil was able to, once again, look the others in the eyes. "I--" His voice was cracked with disuse. How long had he been in this hospital? "I'm sorry. I-I don't re-remember…" There was a beat of silence. Virgil rushed to continue, "I'm sorry, I've tried to remember for so long but I didn't want to hurt anyone, and I just--"

"Hey," Patton gently covered Virgil's hands with his own, "Virgil, it's okay. You don't need to rush." Virgil nodded, still slightly panicked. Patton continued, "Can you tell us anything you do remember? Anything at all?"

Virgil looked down at his hands, one still intertwined with Patton's, "I-It's just impressions. Wh-when I heard you all talk, it just…felt…" Virgil struggled to find the right words. "I-I'm sorry. I know I should remember, I can tell the memories are there, I just can't get to them!" Virgil could feel the tears running down his own cheeks now.

He was finally breaking, after so long.

"Virgil." He looked up at Roman. "It's okay. We talked with the doctors. They said this might happen." He placed his hand on the small pile, managing a smile, "They also said that they will most likely return with time."

Virgil stared for a moment. "Do…d'you promise?"

Roman's smile grew wider. "I swear it on Walt Disney himself, may his severed head never melt."

As Patton stuck out his tongue in disgust and Logan lectured Roman on the historical inaccuracies, Virgil _remembered_.

\----------------

_It was their senior talent show, and for some stupid reason, Virgil had allowed Roman to drag him into a duet. Virgil was anxiously pacing backstage. He knew he was a decent singer, but Roman was practically Apollo himself. What if everyone thought he was just trying to get popular off of Roman? What if everyone hated their act because they hated Virgil in particular? What if--_

_"Hey, Emo Nightmare." Virgil glanced over to Roman. "You're going to be perfect. We've practiced for hours. Nothing is going to go wrong."_

_Some of the tense muscles in Virgil's back loosened, "You promise?"_

_Roman beamed, crossing over to Virgil and grabbing his shoulders, "I swear it on Walt Disney himself, may his severed head never melt."_

_Virgil snickered and leaned forward slightly until their foreheads connected, "You dork."_

_"Eh, I try."_

_(And, for the record, nothing went wrong when they got called up to sing. In fact, they won first place in the show, something that Roman was perhaps a little too proud of.)_

_(Though Virgil would never complain again when Roman dragged him over to sing karaoke or practice for the school musical.)_

\----------------

Virgil forced himself back to the hospital room, breathing heavily. "Twelfth grade talent show." He blurted, "Our senior year. You said that to me just before we performed."

If Virgil had thought the smile he had gotten at the talent show was blinding, this smile outshined the very sun itself, "I did! Oh Sunshine, I did!" Roman laughed, joy clearly painted across every feature.

Patton squealed again, "Ooh! This is wonderful! You're starting to remember!"

Virgil couldn't help but shyly grin back at Patton in the face of his enthusiasm. However, his grin soon faded. "I'm sorry that it's taking so long for me to remember. I-I guess that my stupid brain's just being--"

Patton cut him off, unusually fierce, "That had better not be more self-deprecation, Virgil! I will physically fight you!"

Before Virgil could even think to reply, he was thrust back into another memory.

\----------------

_It was late enough on a Friday night that it probably could've been considered Saturday morning, but that wasn't exactly Virgil's most pressing thought. He was standing on the doorstep of one of his best friends, Patton Hart, debating whether or not to knock. He had finally had enough of his father's angry shouting and his mother's passive aggressive comments that just crossed that invisible border. He had finally voiced his thoughts and let them know exactly what he thought of them._

_They gave him a single hour and a duffle._

_He had been angry, hurt, and disbelieving. He hadn't known where to go, so he wandered. Somehow, at almost four in the morning, he had found himself in front of Patton's house._

_Now it was almost six-thirty._

_Virgil, nauseous with exhaustion, rang the doorbell._

_He winced when Patton's floppy-eared dog started to bark. He debated turning tail and just finding a park bench to catch an hour or two of sleep when the door opened._

_"_ _Virgil?" Catharine, one of Patton's mothers, was standing in the doorway in an apron and pink slippers. "What are you--oh my God, you must be frozen. Get in here."_

_Virgil was ushered into the familiar home. He took off his muddy shoes, carefully wiping them on the mat before kicking them onto the shoe rack. He was quickly dragged into the kitchen, where the smell of baking bread and cinnamon filled the heated air._

_He watched as Patton and his other mother, Trish, danced around the kitchen, singing and spraying specks of flour all around._

_"_ _Pat, Trish, look who was at the door," Catharine said, hand soft on Virgil's shoulder._

_The two family members looked up, joy quickly morphing into concern at what Virgil could only guess was his mess of a face. They hurried over to him, baking forgotten momentarily._

_"_ _Oh, honey," Patton took in his friend's bruised cheek and split lip. He cupped Virgil's face and gently brushed his bangs aside, "The dam finally burst, huh?"_

_Virgil could only nod, eyes filling with unwanted tears._

_"You look like you could really use a hug right now, Virge."_

_Virgil threw himself into Patton's arms, finally allowing himself to cry. He would never admit it, but it felt really good._

_It also helped that Pat gave absolutely the best hugs, making sure you knew you were loved._

_Virgil felt Catharine and Trish join in, completely surrounding the two boys. For a moment, Virgil felt slightly trapped. However, the feeling was quickly replaced by those of safety and warmth._

_Virgil allowed himself to almost completely melt into Patton, attempting to catch his breath. After a moment, he succeeded. "I-I'm sorry. It's m-my f-fault. I-I shouldn't have y-yelled b-back." Virgil could feel more tears coming, "H-he's right, I'm just a st--"_

_Patton interrupted, "That had better not be more self-deprecation, Virgil! I will physically fight you!"_

_Virgil was startled into laughter by the thought of Patton--who refused to even hurt the spiders he was so terrified of--actually fighting someone._

_Patton seemed rather proud of the reaction he'd managed to get from Virgil, and he turned to his parents (who had since stepped back from the hug), arms still tight around Virgil. "He can stay with us, right? I can clean up the guest room, or get the air mattress from the attic, or--"_

_This time, Patton was cut off by Trish, "Honeybee, of course he's staying." Virgil stared up at the woman in surprise. She smiled at him, "After all, we always said that he was our adopted kid."_

_Virgil's eyes filled with tears again as Catharine and Patton cheered._

_(Virgil ended up moving in with them and completely cutting ties with his parents.) (And, eventually, they would even go through the necessary channels to actually adopt him as one of their own.)_

_(That would be one of the happiest days of Virgil's life.)_

\----------------

Virgil stared at Patton. "…I remember the day my parents kicked me out…" He breathed, "You said that. You said that before you asked your moms--our moms--if I could stay. Well, not that there was much asking involved. You kind-of told them I was staying and…and…" Virgil cut himself off with a coughing fit.

Logan handed Virgil a glass of water, "Take your time, Virgil. Don't overexert yourself. This is…rather sudden, after all."

Virgil paused, glass slowly lowering from his lips, "…sudden?" He turned slightly to look out the window, as if the view of the outside world could give him answers. "How…how long have I been here? Wh-what happened to me?"

He missed the nervous glances exchanged.

Eventually, when no answer was forthcoming, Virgil turned back. "Please…" He felt his voice crack, but he refused to cry. "E-even if you can't tell me wh-what happened exactly, maybe I can--"

Logan's voice was robotic again. "There was a car crash. We were on our way to one of Roman's shows and there was a car crash."

Virgil knew then that this wasn't going to be a pleasant memory.

\----------------

_Patton had gone along with Roman to the theater to get ready for their show. Roman had gotten the lead in the show and Patton had been cast as his love interest. They apparently had a fair bit of tension in the first act, but the second was, according to Roman, "pure and unfiltered fluff"._

_Logan had insisted upon Virgil and he dressing up, as they were, in fact, going on a date._

_Virgil was in a black suit with a dark purple shirt and a shimmery black tie. He had a silver ear-cuff on, which matched his wedding band perfectly. His signature eyeshadow had migrated and transformed slightly so that his upper eyelids were dark grey and morphed into the silver underneath his eyes. When Virgil stepped out of the bathroom, he nearly had to catch himself on the wall._

_Logan looked stunning._

_His hair was swept back from his face entirely, slicked back with some sort of hair gel rarely used. He wore normal black slacks and a dark blue shirt, but his suit jacket was filled with small pinpricks of stars and the dim colors of galaxies and nebulas. His tie had been bought as a mostly-gag-gift three Christmases prior, but worked with the space-theme. It had the sun and all nine planets (Viva la Pluto, fuck you) in a neat line down the tie. Logan's glasses were, of course, polished to a shine, but what really gave Virgil pause was Logan's makeup. Logan never wore makeup. His subtle smoky eye was perfectly accented by the sharply-winged eyeliner, as well as the sparkling silver stars which, to an untrained eye, looked just like freckles._

_After a few moments of simply staring at each other, Logan held out a hand to Virgil, smiling slightly. "Salutations, Starshine. You look absolutely…wonderful."_

_Virgil blushed and stepped forward, ignoring the hand still extended towards him. He grabbed Logan's pristine tie and leaned in, "Kiss me, you sappy, handsome mess."_

_Logan grinned and did just that._

_After a not-so-quick kiss, they finally extracted themselves enough to make their way to their car, Logan gently handing Virgil into the passenger seat._

_After a few minutes of driving, they were nearly to the theater and they had stopped at a red light._

_Logan was quietly humming along to the music playing from the CD, but otherwise made no noise, occasionally glancing over at his partner. Logan reached over and gently squeezed Virgil's hand before starting the car forward, the light having finally changed._

_There wasn't even a car horn to warn them._

_There was just the sound of crunching metal and immense, unreal pain._

_Darkness covered Virgil's vision as Logan's concerned shouting grew further and further away._

_Finally, there was peace._

_(Blissful, beautiful peace.)_

_ \---------------- _

Virgil felt sick.

He returned to staring out the window. The bright world outside seemed to be mocking him, somehow, reminding him that it had moved on without him.

"You never answered me." Even to him, his voice sounded dead and flat, "How long have I been here?"

There was silence.

"Damn it, answer me!"

Virgil didn't know where his anger was coming from, nor did he know where the wetness on his hands had come from.

"How long!"

"…five months, three weeks, six days, three hours, and around thirteen minutes." Logan's voice was surprisingly calm, considering the circumstances.

Virgil felt _really_ sick.

He grabbed for the green sick-bag hanging from the wall and heaved into it. When nothing came up, he only heaved more.

It made sense, in a sick, sick way. He hadn't been eating anything for almost half of a year, so of course there wouldn't be anything in his stomach to throw up.

He dry-heaved again.

Vaguely, he registered Patton rubbing his back.

\----------------

_He had somehow caught the flu, and he was bent over the toilet at two in the morning, trying not to throw up Roman's delicious pot roast from the night before._

_He was certain it wouldn't taste as good the second time._

_Virgil heard footsteps come up from behind him, and what could only be Patton gasped. "Oh Love," Patton came forward and rubbed Virgil's back. "Oh, don't worry. We'll take care of you. You'll be okay."_

\----------------

Virgil heard Logan gently trying to guide him through the 4-7-8 technique again.

\----------------

_The house was filled with people - too many people. It was Patton's birthday, and Virgil had tried so, so hard to hold it together for him, but eventually, he just had to get out._

_He had to get away._

_So Virgil stood, mumbling something about the bathroom to his friends before bolting up the stairs and into his brand-new room. He locked the door behind him, a newfound and rather appreciated luxury._

_He breathed shakily, ignoring the tears streaming down his face. Why had he done that? Why did he have to ruin everything? Why couldn't he just be normal? Whywhywhywhy?_

_Vaguely, Virgil registered voices beyond his door. Two were quietly singing some Disney duet while the third was counting out numbers._

_Virgil recognized the two techniques._

_They were meant to help ground someone in the middle of a panic attack. A distraction and a breathing exercise._

_Slowly he breathed in, following Logan's voice. After almost a full minute of following along, Virgil stood and unlocked the door._

_(All he saw on the other side was the understanding faces of the best friends he could ever ask for.)_

\----------------

Roman was gently tapping out the rhythm to one of their favorite songs in the only musical they had ever been in together.

\----------------

_They had practiced for too, too long, just as they had done for the past three nights, but the next day was the day of their first show, and Virgil was determined to get it right._

_Roman started in on their favorite song: the duet where they ended up kissing._

_As Virgil watched Roman--obviously tired--sing his heart out for him, he realized something. Even if everything did go downhill during the show, the world wouldn't end._

_Roman and Patton and Logan would still love him._

_That would never change._

_Virgil stepped up and kissed Roman, allowing the sappy song to play in the background of their moment._

_(And, just like their performance in the talent show, Virgil and Roman were a total hit.)_

\----------------

Virgil could feel the memories flooding back.

All the moments of singing in the blistering car, dancing in the rain, or staring at the stars.

All the memories of screaming at scary movies and laughing at puns.

All the times where Virgil remembered again every reason why he loved the men he loved.

He froze, still leaned over the sick bag.

After a moment of silence, Patton spoke, "…Virgil? What's wrong?"

Virgil sat up, looking around at his room with wide, almost scared eyes. "I…" he ran a tense hand through his shaggy hair.

He couldn't find the right words to say what had happened.

He met the eyes of the others. They all, of course, were concerned, but underneath was something that Virgil had struggled to recognize before, when he still hadn't remembered.

Love.

True, honest-to-god love.

Finally, he found the words, "I love you all, so, so much."

There was silence again as they took in the meaning behind his simple statement.

Surprisingly, Logan was the first to break.

For the second time that day, he launched himself at Virgil, grasping his face and kissing him thoroughly.

Virgil wasn't entirely certain whose tears were falling down his cheeks.

That didn’t stop him from kissing back, though.

When Logan pulled away, Patton grabbed Virgil next. Patton peppered every inch of Virgil's face with kisses, ending with a single, lasting one on his lips.

Roman was the gentlest, taking Virgil's face in his hands before slowly speaking, "Virgil…how much do you remember?"

There was a certain intensity in his voice that Virgil recognized.

Virgil smiled and leaned his forehead against Roman's, "Everything…. I remember everything, Princey." Roman beamed and leaned forward, kissing Virgil passionately.

Eventually, they pulled away from each other, smiling somewhat giddily.

Virgil smiled at his husbands, finally certain that things really were going to be okay.

"I love you. So much."

Virgil knew even before they said it, one by one; they loved him too.

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh, I love this thing.  
> I really hope you all enjoyed this! If you liked it, feel free to check out any of my other stories!  
> Thank you all so, so much for reading! You guys are why I do this!  
> Love you!


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